5 reasons I think Chelsey is AWESOME

1) She is very supportive.
Chelsey is always supporting me, in all my endeavors wither it is going to China or helping me find a job I like or anything, I know that Chelsey is there.

2) She takes care of me.
Now, I don't need someone to take care of me all the time, but its the little things that Chelsey does for me that makes it very special. Telling which tie looks better, cutting my hair (when she thinks it's time!) and just making sure that I look the best.

3) She is there to talk to.
Whenever I have a problem, or just want to talk, Chelsey is there. She often stops what she is doing and will talk to me. She is always willing to listen and she is a very good listener.

4) She puts her family first
You can tell that Chelsey puts her family first by how much time she spends with Jada and I. Jada has a great role model as a mother - someone who always makes sure she spends some time with her daughter or husband, even when she is really busy.

5) She makes our house a home
Chelsey is really the main reason our house is a home. Not only does she make sure everything is clean (I help out where I can) but she makes sure our house is filled with love. You can tell that she really cares about this in the way she cooks, the way she cleans and in the way that she gets excited to see us if she has been gone for a while (or when I get off work)

Thank you Chelsey for being a great wife, and a great example for your family! Jada and I love you very much

7 Year Anniversary

7 often has good connotations. I guess in this case 7 represent many many hurdles jumped and much learned. I can count on less than one hand how many people I have talked to about this and it took me at least 2 years before I started opening up to very few people about this searching for answers. Writing this post is a huge step, it not only doubles the number of people I've talked to several times over but it also exposes what has embarrassed me, scared me and confused me and what I have kept to myself for many years. My hope is that, although most people won't have the same trials I have had, someone will be able to find strength and hope to get through whatever they may be struggling with in my story. Although my story is not finished it is a story of many struggles and many successes. 7 years ago around this time, just a couple months before my 20th birthday, my whole world was turned upside down. Prior to this I was a friendly, happy, young single adult, just finished my first year of university. I was able to make friends quite easily and form deep bonds with others. People often complimented me on how I always smiled and had a beautiful smile, that I was very sincere and sweet. I remember one day walking into the living area of the house where I was living with 6 other roommates. There was company over and everyone was socializing. All of a sudden a terrible panic came over me. Not your average fear but as if I were backed into a corner with a wild animal about to pounce. I felt like I was having a heart attack, each beat of my heart was searingly painful and all the muscles in my body felt like they were squeezing the life out of my like a giant cobra. I could barely breath. But the confusing thing was 'I' was not scared, why would I be, it made no sense, why was my body acting this way? But ever since that, that was my life anytime I was around people. It was no respecter persons, close friends, family, it made no difference. I was confused, desperate, scared and alone. I felt trapped inside my own body because it had no connection whatsoever to what I was thinking or how 'I' felt about a situation, it was not 'me' but I had no control over it. With it, all normal outwardly shown reactions or facial expression were gone and replaced with only one "I am stressed out". Every conversation or encounter was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. I tried so hard to control my body and make it react the way I was really feeling and it just came across forced and awkward. The muscles in my face would ache to the point of cramping up. I longed so much to be able to just smile at someone freely. I was determined to kick this thing in the pants and so I went on living just as I would have. I was in several institute classes, went to all the activities, dances, volunteered to teach Sunday school when all the teachers were away and I served a mission. I had faith that if I did everything I could that God would make up the difference. But I did not improve, every minute of everyday was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. On my mission I had a humbling experience that taught me a great lesson about how faith and God work. One afternoon I was walking around a park contacting and was suffering all the usual symptoms and feeling very broken down and depressed. I wanted so bad for it to disappear. I contacted these two girls and shared with them the message of the restoration of the Gospel. They then told me "you are glowing, you have a light shining all around you". Inside, I felt stressed out of my mind like I was going crazy but they saw something different. I was there to be a servant of God in his greatest work of bringing souls to him, just as I was. He made up the difference in his own wisdom. I still had not learned what I was suppose to learn through this trial. I confided in one of my mission companions about my struggles and she told me that she had known a guy, that a similar thing happened to, who had confided in her. Right after he graduated from high school all of a sudden his body started putting on a show of anger, out of context in social situations. Even though he did not feel angry all the bodily symptoms of anger came. It scared people away and alienated him. He felt very distraught and desperate. This is the first time I had ever even heard of a similar story existing. And then the summer I worked at temple city housing my trainer in drywalling told me that at some age between 30 and 40 (I can't remember) something happened to him. His family noticed that the once humorous, make everyone laugh guy was very withdrawn and took him to a physiatrist. He showed an interest in spiritual things so I gave him a book of Mormon and started sharing the Gospel with him and invited him to church. He gave up smoking and drinking and had a strong desire to come to church, he said he really longed for the community that church provides that helps you to stay on the right path and inspires you to keep looking towards Christ. He came from a strong christian background, his father was a minister, but was easily swayed by peer pressure. But even though he was on medication which took away the symptoms he was still deathly afraid to put himself in situations where his body had terrorized him. He avoided crowds at all costs. He then decided to be a non-denominational christian. He is very spiritual and his heart is in the right place, he taught me some great lessons on coming unto Christ that really inspired me. I hope that one day he can overcome his fears and have the community of the church that he longs for and will help him stay on the path.
For me what finally has worked, I have never been on medication, was lessening the exposure and stress in social situations. The opposite of what I was trying to do for all those years. I am not saying that people should give up and go hide in their house. If I had done that I would have never met my husband or had a child which have been key to my recovery.
Once my husband and I got our own place down in Rexburg I started to notice that it was beginning to break it up where once in a while I would have moments of normalcy again. And they got more and more frequent. Mike is very friendly and loves to socialize with people and so he got me out socializing while at the same time relieving some of the stress because he lead the conversation and the focus was mostly on him. It gave me a chance to start healing my subconscious as it saw that I could socialize without being totally stressed out. But when I had to go to work alone and my jobs were very social, I would do fine for a while and then an episode would occur and I was no longer able to control it in that environment. Ever since I had Jada I have made improvements in leaps and bounds. The symptoms are gone. I think being home with Jada most of the time has given me a rest so that I can heal my subconscious. Since it is not reminded all the time it has forgotten that social situations are life threatening and replaced it with more of a normal response. After 7 years my conscious is not the same as it was, it has some scares, even though the symptoms are gone I still remember and make myself nervous. I can deal with that though, that is miles above where I was. Digging my conscious mind out of a hole is much easier than my subconscious. I can more easily control my conscious mind with common sense and logical thinking and it more easily forgets. Imprints are not near as deep. I have high hopes that in a few years when it is no more than a distant memory, almost as if it isn't even my own that all traces will be gone. I have many people to thank for helping me win this battle, all those that have loved me unconditionally and have not treated me different and especially my husband for all of his support. I can not thank you enough. And to God for the things that I was able to learn through this trial and not letting me give up. It has taught me how to be more accepting of others flaws and weaknesses, and has taught me that people are never are as simple as we make them out to be. The assumptions that we make about people are almost always wrong and very misunderstanding. I have learned to assume the best or not assume at all and it has lead to a greater understanding of others and also how to love people and accept them despite what they may have done or are doing to hurt me. We are all in the same boat together.
Remember that I have only been doing really good for maybe 6 months, and really hard times are not far away and still scare me alot that they will return. I am not ready to talk about this in person, writing is easier for me and even a form of thearpy. I am writing this so that people can know and understand and help by not treating me different.

5 Reasons Why I Think Mike Should Earn The Best Husband Ever Award

He is not shy about expressing his feeling towards me, not even in public and multiple times a day he romances me with his words and loves to be close.

He is always concerned about my wellbeing, is very willing to help out in anyway he can and everyday several times a day asks if there is anything he can do or if there is anything I need or want.

He is in touch with me through text or short phone calls through out the day, checking up on me and letting me know how his day is going. It really builds our friendships and centers us on the most important thing, our marriage through all the business of life.

He never complains or points out my weaknesses or shortfalls, he only lifts me up, nor does he complain to friends or family about me. This really build respect and trust in our relationship.

Even when he is busy preparing for classes or other work things he takes frequent breaks to be with our daughter and I no matter what he is doing if I need his help he very willfully and happily jumps up to help. No matter what he always puts us first.

I feel so indepted to you everyday and stengthen/uplifted by your great spirit. Thank you for making everyday so wonderful. I love you.

News on Bean Number Two

We already told most of our families about the newest news on bean number 2 but I thought I would write a post about it partly because this blog is currently serving as our family journal as well as that there are still some people we haven't talk to yet. We went in for our first prenatal thinking we were 10 weeks which is the standard time for a first prenatal and an ultra sound told us that the baby is actually a little older than we thought. Only 5 days so not too much but that changes the due date to April 9th. Not right on our wedding anniversary anymore. Everything looks normal and healthy. We got to see the baby move and see/hear the heart beat. It was pretty cool. The baby is only 4.5 cm from head to rump but looks like a little human with long arms and legs, finger and toes and even the bone in the nose is there. It is really amazing. It was a last minute decision for Mike and Jada to come (just because of the long commute) but Mike was really glad he came, we did not know there would be an ultra sound. It is so magical seeing your little one. We are going to be back in canada just in time to schedule the 20 week ultrasound where we get to find out the sex of the baby. Nov. 9th is our flight. This baby can say that he/she was made in China. Jada was made in Canada born in China. We are really excited to be parents again. We love Jada so much and we know this new little one will expand our love that much more. When we were talking together about all the pros and cons of staying in China or returning to Canada I mentioned once that I didn't really want to have another baby here. I was willing to, I trust the chinese health care in Beijing, but it was a little worried knowing how different the culture is with typically the fathers not being allowed to be there and the high c-section rates and how they make you lie on your back perfectly still through your contractions (not fun). Jada was born in unusual circumstances so all regulations went out the window. She was born in an emergency room, all through contractions we were traveling from one hospital to another and transfering from one doctor to another to another, arguing with them about settling the bills (the only doctor that would take us was one whose fees could be covered by what mike had in his pocket at the time). They had mike there paying bills as I was pushing. So because of circumstances I was walking around during contractions, Mike was there, and Jada came so fast there wasn't time for anything but to just catch her. I know that if we had decided to stay here we could probably have worked things out to come to a compromise for everyone to feel comfortable. That is not the reason we decided to come home but I feel more at peace knowing we will be close to family and in an environment where I am more familiar with the way things are done and the language. It was a good experience to have Jada here and I am glad things worked out the ways they did. We were blessed alot. We came to China prepared, so we thought, we had a good amount of money for start up and $2000 extra that we were putting towards prenatal and birth costs. Starting up here ended up being more expensive then we had anticipated and it took longer than we had thought to find jobs so all the money we brought with us was gone by the time we got the first check from like 2 weeks of work that just barely was enough to pay rent and get us through june. By that time we were just months away from giving birth with $0 dollars saved. Yikes. We missed three prenatal appoinments. We had had 4 1/2 month of appoinments 3 missed and were going to have the last month of appointments in Canada. Jada was born at 35 weeks, we will never know if we had not missed those appoinments how things might have been different. If they would have noticed something that indicated a premature birth perhaps and what would have followed. We do know that there was someone watching out for us and our Jada because although things seemed to be heading for disaster right at the last moment there were tiny miracles that kept our heads above water. We found a doctor that we had just barley enough money to pay for(as we had just put the majority of our money towards plan tickets because we had decided to give birth in Canada), Jada was born perfectly healthy and with no complications, the ward all pulled in to help, jada's documents, passport and visa were issued just in time for our flight to Canada and all the visa stuff in Canada was resolved just in time to fly back to China and have enough working days to make rent. Many small miracles. Just a testimony that well things may not work out as we plan, if we live on faith things will work out for the best. And someday all things will be revealed to us. We did the best we could with our situation and God filled in the rest.

Partners in Mischief

Even though Jada won't tell us I am sure she is really going to miss Amber the bird. The have a very interesting relationship. Jada chases the bird around and tries to kick the bird and dump toys on it's head, the bird tries to steal Jada's binky, her food and pretty much anything she is playing with and yet they are the best of friends. They are rarely one without the other. They both chew on everything although Jada is outgrowing the bird in that and they both love to explore and they both like having a 24-7 play buddy. They are partners in mischief emptying out all the cupboards and drawers. Back when Jada started getting more mobile we picked up some corner protecters and Jada and the bird together sucessfully managed to pulled them off so many times that they don't stay on anymore. Jada is walking quite a bit now. I think by the time we are back in Canada in November (did we post about that? We have decided to head back in November, Mike just found out that he didn't get the embassy job today anyways.) Jada should be fairly sturdy on her feet.

China Moment
Yesterday I started feeling really nausous right as I was about to start cooking supper and what I had planned, just the thought of it, made the nausia worse so I decided to order in some chinese. The guy shows up at our door covered in sweat and says I just walked up 27 flights of stairs because the elevator is shut off (they were doing some electrical work in the building that I had forgotten about because it did not effect our apartment). Most restaurants and grocery stores (excluding international chain restaurants and stores) don't have a delivery fee. The guy was obviously really healthy and fit because he could talk just find and was only slightly out of breath. I just could not believe that he actually walked 27 flights of stairs for free. I gave him extra money and I should have offered some water because he then had to turn around and walk back down but I was not thinking.

I went visiting teaching today and we had a good discussion about one of the lines in the message that said we need to speak respectfully of family and marriage. The message was on nurturing the next generation. It is something I had not thought too much about before, it has never been a problem of mine just not my personality and it goes against my moral code, but in our discussion I realize how important it is that we think about our words and the impact they have on our children, and whoever eles we talk to, in how we talk about our spouse. I am thankful for my parents who always praised each other and never complained about each other to us or others. I have always had very positive feelings towards marriage and family because of their example. Family is central to everything, their success, their happiness and it is also one of the most attacked things in the world today. It can be easy to develop a pesimistic view of marriage and family from they way it is mocked on T.V and in everyday conversation. It so important to counteract that through the way we portray our feelings of marriage to our children and the way they see us interact with each other. Hey there is another bonus, a happy, loving, respect filled relationship with your spouse.

A Tribute to My Parents

I have tremedous respect and love for both of you. The more experience I have in life the more I realized just how amazing you are. I could not have asked for better examples to teach me about life, spirituality, relationships, respect, who I am and who I can be.
Growing up I always loved seeing you express affection to one another. I don't remember any demening or harsh word, not to us or each other, but my memories of you are filled with images of tenderness, love, and self-sacrifice. Home has always been a place of acceptance, tolerance, understanding, joy, excitment, closeness and love. I love to see you smile and hear your laugh and your humor.
I have never heard you say anything bad about anyone, be judgemental or be involved in gossip. Even at times when someones actions were directly impacting you and our family. Your example showed me deep, unconditional respect for others and yourself. The ultimate way of respecting others is to uplift them with your word and honor their name and to accept people who have different opinions, way of doing things, ways of thinking, ect. This is so important to me. I meet people everyday who have differences and those differences are so wonderful, they teach me new ways to think and new ways to do things. If we can't open our mind up to new ideas how can we improve, grow and expand our knowledge and how can we understand others and show them charity.
You have always taught through example, frugality, self-dicipline and hardwork. These three habits have helped me along in life in so many ways and I highly value them. Without these I don't believe that we are able to accomplish as much with the time we have and it makes life that much more meaningful as well as giving us more self-respect.

All of these are principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ that are given to us to help us overcome the natural man and find true joy. You have lived your testimony of the principles of the gosple and seeing the effect of this in your life and my own is the most wonderful gift you have given me.

I want to live your example the way you do, especially as a mother starting my own family and I feel that I fall short in many ways. I often think of you and remember your example. Thank you.

Mike's Interview

Mike called me today after his interview to tell me how it went. We know that some people are wanting to know how the interview went so I am writing this for mike since he does not get home until 11 p.m. tonight, just part of the life of an English teacher. Sorry to say there really is not much to tell as far as if he gets the job or not, I know, we were really hoping to find out too. He said that he was one of 10-15 people being interviewed. That makes me wonder if there will be a second interview or not as they did not narrow down the list much from the test where it was at 20 I think. Mike says that this is good experience for him as it gives him an idea for how the hiring process goes in these kind of jobs and helps him gain more confidence. He asked some question at the interviewing because Mike and I, ever since he got the email inviting him to come and take a test, have been praying about, discussing it with each other and our parent and the branch presidency/other people at church that have experience in these things all of our options and wondering which one was best. It was basically two options: go back to Canada or stay in Beijing. We knew that taking the job would mean a lot of sacrifice and even some risks that made us feel a uneasy (job is very low wage that would not cover our basic needs and has no benefits due to the fact that it is a local position and we are not medically insured with another baby on the way and a history of premature births). We would be putting our self in a very unstable and risky position but we also felt that if this job could allow Mike to get his foot in the door into a career he is interested in and help him get a better position then what should we do? Both options have a possibility of working out just fine and both have uncertainties. We would be crazy to put our self in that position but then we were in a crazy position when Jada was born and we had followed the feelings we got from prayers and things worked out just fine, in fact there were huge blessings poured out upon us. We felt that if we are supposed to be in China longer that through faith things would work out. And so we have been praying and pondering and discussing to know what the Lord would have us do or if both are good and it is our choice. We have both been feeling that going back to Canada would be a good option as we have been feeling more and more confident and good about his career options there as well as feeling more secure about that option but have not totally made that decision yet. Mike went to the interview prepared with some question that he hoped would give us a clearer idea of what kind of prospect of advancement this position has. When he called me after his interview he said that they told him that he could apply for other positions in the embassy as they come up but that there would be no guarantee based on the high competition of those positions. He told me that after the interview his feelings were at about 30 percent for staying if he is offered the position and 70 percent for looking in Canada for a opening. No definite answers yet but we are both feeling less and less confused about what is the better choice.
This has been totally a mutual decision making process. It has really helped us to grow and become even closer to each other and the Lord. We are grateful for the guidance and blessing the Lord has given us, we are so grateful for faithful parents that have taught us to trust in the Lord. We feel confident that things will work out, maybe not how we may plan but for a greater purpose and agenda then our own if we act in faith.

A cute picture

Mom and baby, both doing some stretching this morning. Jada really likes to do this pose, and will often look through her legs at us and smile! This morning when Jada was doing it, Chelsey decided to do it too and smile at Jada. Jada then crawled under Chelsey's legs and did it with mom!

We just got her weighed (on a fruit/veggie scale in the little store downstairs) and she is 9Kg, or 19.8 Lbs. She is growing, but still is a small baby.